Tis the season for Christmas movies – but beware the lumps of coal.
For every classic like “A Christmas Story” there’s a half-dozen features desperate to become the next holiday staple. But it ain’t that easy.
Just look at “Story.” OK, we’ll get the director of “Porky’s” and give him a slew of non-stars and see what happens.
Yuletide gold happened. But these five were more like the gifts you receive from your aunt who hasn’t figured out your age — or sweater size — in a decade:
- “Deck the Halls” – Confession time. I didn’t sit through this one all the way. How could any sane person? I’d rather be strapped in a dentist’s chair with a bald Laurence Olivier bearing down on me. Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick play dueling neighbors trying to out-twinkle the other’s house. When even the delightful Kristin Chenoweth can’t salvage a scene or two you know you’re in trouble.
- “Jack Frost” – Michael Keaton — what were you thinking??
- “Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas” – Jim Carrey tries so hard to inspire Christmas cheer he darn near pops a blood vessel.
- “Jingle All the Way” – Arnie’s descent from his position as a Hollywood titan got big-time momentum here.
- “Santa Claus: The Movie” – A perfect example of throwing tons of resources at a holiday film and coming up empty.
(Note: I’ve never seen “Surviving Christmas,” but I suspect it would rank pretty high here.)
Technorati – film, Technorati – Christmas
Related posts:
on 
on 
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
You forgot the refuse that was Fred Claus … absolute piece of uninteresting Christmas crud, as much fun as watching the fruitcake mold … Okay, not quite as much fun.
And Vince Vaughn thinks I’m going to give him even a glance this year with Four Christmases? He’s got a stocking full of coal coming, buster.
I found both Fred Claus and Christmas with the Kranks tolerable. Not classics by any stretch — but they didn’t make my skin crawl like these films did. Ditto the “Santa Clause” features. Too manufactured, but I’d watch them all again over 15 min. of “Deck the Halls.”
I can’t believe you narrowed this down to just 5 horrible Christmas movies. I see very few Christmas-themed movies because the chance of success is just so low.
Give me “Story” (which was once a nice little gem but is suffering in my memory from over-exposure now), “The Ref,” “Bad Santa,” and “Elf” … and, ya know, I just don’t need anything else to watch.
Great call, though, on Grinch. Egad! Could that movie be any less pleasant to watch — from Carrey’s evil over-acting to the set, to the costumes, to the supporting characters, to the … did I mention the set? Creepy.
Creepy, indeed. I think “Elf” stands a good chance of becoming a genuine holiday classic. It improves on every viewing.
And as terrific as “Story” is … playing it 24/7 as TBS has done waters down its impact.
In my mind, Elf is already a holiday classic. I tear up a bit at the end, as a matter of fact. Favreau did a wonderful job with that film, and in my mind it’s Will Ferrell’s best performance (helped by the fact that it was really the first time he played the “man-child” character that has sadly become his only note of late).
What makes it work for me is that it is the anti-cynic Christmas film. So many Christmas movies these days harp on all the hassles and one-up-manship of Christmas. Seeing family is a drag. Shopping is a stressful pain in the neck. I gotta have more lights up than my neighbor. It takes all the fun out of the holiday.
Buddy the Elf looks counters that with indefatigable cheer, and looks at wonder at a world that doesn’t cherish Christmas — then, of course, teaches everyone to cherish it. Great stuff. It also doesn’t hurt that Zooey Deshanel’s vocal performance is captivating — as good as any golden age crooner.
Oh, and “Smiling’s my favorite.” …. always makes me smile. I TiVoed “Elf” last November and will probably never remove it from the hard drive. My wife and I watch it every couple of months just to smile and feel warm inside.
Christmas with the Kranks. An atrocity.
Surviving Christmas. Coal in those people’s stockings FOREVER.
Bad Santa. I know, people love it. I don’t.
I also hate “The Santa Clause.” It begins by having Santa DIE, for goodness’ sake.
My niece loved Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas as a little kid and I finally sat down with her to watch it one day and I remember my jaw just dropping at the ‘key party’ joke at the beginning. Just a truly horrid movie.
I can’t believe more people don’t hate Fred Claus, probably because so few saw it …
as for faves … yep, Elf, Christmas Story … and the greatness that is …. CHRISTMAS VACATION
OMG.. The Ref.
That is one of our favorite Christmas movies.. Great performances all the way around
I don’t get Bad Santa either, Nell.
And I think I liked the “Santa Clause” sequels better than the original, although none of them are worth space in your DVD collection.
“The Ref” — a bona fide sleeper pick. Good stuff.
Your reviews are great. I think Christmas with the Cranks was a total waste of time. Anything you review I agree with, maybe because you’re my son.
Mama WWTW checking in with her brand new computer! I better watch my language now … and my grammar.
Okay, technically these aren’t movies, as in they were never released in theaters and have only shown on TV, but here are two — yes, I will say it — GREAT Christmas TV shows that rival any Christmas movie:
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” — an elf who wants to be a dentist; the Island of Lost Toys; Yukon Cornelius; “Bumbles bounce!” Great stuff.
“Mister MaGoo’s Christmas Carol” — Stick with the hour-long singing and dancing one, not the one some TV Scrooge chopped down to fill a 30-minute time spot. Funny, scary (at least when I was a kid), moving, and the songs are delightful. If you haven’t seen it, you’re in for a treat.
A bit off medium, MMGodfrey, but I couldn’t agree more re: their greatness. I’d rather watch Magoo’s Scrooge than any other “Carol” incarnation … ‘with razzle beh-wey dressing’
Is it safe? Is it safe?
What about ‘It Happened One Christmas’? The feminist version of ‘Its a Wonderful Life’. Maybe the worst holiday movie ever. Marlo Thomas plays Mary Bailey, Wayne Rogers is George and Orson Welles is Mr. Potter. Somebody check his death certificate – I think he died of embarrassment!
And what does Rudolph teach us? We love you as long as you can do something for me.
Want to see a great holiday movie? Check out ‘The Gathering’ with Ed Asner. Yes, THAT Ed Asner. That’s if they ever play it again.
The best Christmas comedy? For my money it is the first 10 minutes of the Bill Murray clunker ‘Scrooged’ which show a fake preview of a made for TV movie ‘The Night the Reindeer Died’. Screamingly funny, and the bonus is that you can skip the rest of the movie without missing anything.