Dwayne Johnson, you might know him as the spandexed hero dubbed The Rock, is trying to be the next Eddie Murphy. Or Steve Martin. Or even Vin Diesel.
The former wrestler is the latest actor to find gold in them thar family movie hills, so it’s inevitable he’d headline a reboot of the ’70s kid-flick “Escape to Witch Mountain.”
Renamed “Race to Witch Mountain,” the film finds Johnson playing Jack, a wise-cracking taxi driver who picks up two teens (AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig) who claim to hail from outer space.
Now, Johnson’s character looks nothing like any cabbie we’ve ever seen, from his Nautilus physique to his perfectly styled hair.
But let’s move on.
The teens take Jack through one wild ride after another, and we learn the duo must return to their ship or some really bad things could happen to our fellow earthlings.
All the while, Jack grumbles about their curiously flat language while guiding them through a series of generic action sequences. Young Robb manages to sparkle while delivering such banal lines – by far the film’s best special effect.
It’s all directed with an obvious hand by Andy Fickman, who only finds inspiration when the story segues to an alien convention hosted by Planet Hollywood.
Hey, if the movie can include bald product placements, why can’t I?
It takes a good hour before some of Jack’s one-liners connect, but Johnson soldiers on with so much good cheer you’d think he was being paid by the calories burned. You won’t see him sleepwalking here, even if that’s precisely what Murphy or Martin might do.
The terrific Carla Gugino sidles up to Jack toward the end of the film for some G-rated flirting. Hollywood’s skittishness toward interracial coupling remains intact.
It’s easy to scoff at Johnson’s modest ambitions. In the ’80s, his bulk and easy charisma would have placed him somewhere between Stallone and Schwarzenegger on the he-man A-list.
But today’s Hollywood is far more fragile. Even the invincible Will Smith floated back to the pack after his last film, “Seven Pounds,” underwhelmed at the box office.
The only near-sure thing today are kiddie friendly franchise, and that’s precisely what Johnson’s got cooking.
(Photo: “AnnaSophia Robb, Dwayne Johnson and Alexander Ludwig strike a pose on the set of “Race to Witch Mountain.”)
Related posts:
on 
on 
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
We just came back from seeing this.. it was ok. Not as much humor as I would have liked in a vehicle like this, and damn if it wasn’t more propaganda for the prevention of the destruction of galaxykind. Our kids are being brainwashed in so many of these cute movies, I’m beyond pissed off. There was a preview for Disney Earth – more propaganda, and a couple of other movies that were the same crap. We kept our daughters away from almost all mainstream movies so their own critical reasoning skills could develop, and you know what? They love animals (recognizing they’re animals), respect the planet, and don’t think that humans are the root of all evil.
My child is only two months old, Zeze, but I suspect I’ll have a similar reaction to the movies we see when he gets older. It’s amazing how certain messages sneak into kiddie fare. Some of the material is sound and helpful, others … like global warming material … might be a poor fit for a young ‘un.
People used to think I was weird because I censured the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon in our house when our kids were young (in the 90’s). Well, I sampled their wares before I would let my kids what it, and what I saw was appalling. 9 year olds obsessing about boys? The amount of age-inappropriate behavior was stunning. We also never watched MTV or VH1. We filled their watching hours with old black and white films, domestic and foreign, and quality TV. We took them to see the novel and unusual to open up their minds, and they are much better adults because of it. And of course, the day we ‘let them go’ and make their own decisions, they go see the junk, but just the other day my daughter came back after seeing the Friday the 13th remake, and her only comment was ‘too much boobage’. That’s my girl!
Nearly all major releases have messages – fornicate not, or face dismemberment by serial killer; feed the penguins or ruin the ecosystem – so I know to filter them, but it is a valid point to raise when screening with (and for) children.
That stated, I am interested to follow The Rock’s (and yes, I write, ‘Reginald Dwight’ at times, too) association with Disney. Such pairing buoyed Tim Allen, and similarly elevated Bruce Willis; I imagine that Johnson particularly hopes for the latter’s success. He does seem to work well within the soft demands of light comedy.
~ Dagnabbitt
We went to see it because we enjoy his performances too.. Doom was fun for what it was, and Game Plan was cute. I’m just disappointed that they did that, and made our military the bad guys (yawn).