Can we call a moratorium on vampire projects? Please?
“Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” is the latest attempt to draw fresh blood from Dracula’s preferred genre.
Based on a series of British novels, the new film simultaneously tries to suck some of the cultural plasma out of the “Twilight” saga.
And that franchise barely has a pulse for viewers over the age of 20.
But while the imaginative “Harry Potter” books inspired a series of whimsical – and increasingly dark – films, “Cirque du Freak” stuffs an entire franchise worth of ideas in under two hours.
“Freak” stars Chris Massoglia as Darren, a teen whose best pal Steve (Josh Hutcherson) is as rowdy as he is respectful. But the two apparently are destined to square off down the road as part of a longstanding vampire war.
More, or really less, on that later in the film.
The two end up taking in a freak show where their curiosity entangles them with the group’s leader, a frizzy haired vampire named Crepsley (John C. Reilly). Soon, the duo are in trouble and Darren must make a major sacrifice to save his friend.
But Steve doesn’t need saving. He’s eager to become a freak himself.
The early sequences, with the boys being alternately awed and disgusted by the freak show, represent the film’s singular triumph. And the star cameos – blink and you’ll miss “30 Rock’s” Jane Krakowski and the under-appreciated Orlando Jones – add a layer of goofy fun. And who knew a bearded lady could be sexy (at least when she’s played by Salma Hayek)?
But the stories within the stories are mostly anemic. The romance between our hero and a girl ashamed of her monkey tail feels like an Afterschool Special detour, and Reilly’s relationship with our hero never quite coalesces into a storyline worth pursuing.
The visuals aren’t state of the art, but a notch up from “Twilight’s” throwback landscapes. Still, no dazzling effects could elevate a film which can’t settle on a mood beyond any one scene.
The campy dialogue bespeaks a kid’s film, but the darker, scarier elements reflect a different enterprise, one more suited for a Halloween night.
And then there’s Reilly, the old pro left with dialogue so stale it you can see the mold forming on his vampire’s cloak.
The film’s impressive cast extends to its production credits. Director Paul Weitz previously co-wrote the great “About a Boy,” and screenwriter Brian Hegeland brought “Mystic River” to the big screen.
All that talent – and fervid imagination – ultimately goes for naught. “Freak” is a creative misfire of a franchise starter.
(Photo: Chris Massoglia and John C. Reilly discuss the finer points of being undead in “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant”/Universal Pictures)
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