George Constanza had a curious plan to stop his girlfriend from breaking up with him on “Seinfeld.”
He avoided her at all costs. If she couldn’t call or see him, she couldn’t end their relationship.
Perfect pretzel logic.
The same holds true for Meg Ryan in “Serious Moonlight.” She plays a woman who learns her husband is about to divorce her.
So she duct tapes him to a chair and won’t let him free until he falls back in love with her.
It’s the kind of bitter rom-com that requires a delicate touch, a whipsmart script and performances that make you buy into such a crazed premise.
“Moonlight” goes 0-for-3.
The film, out Feb. 9 on DVD and Blu-ray, casts Meg Ryan as Louise, a hard-charging professional who thinks her marriage is just fine the way it is.
Tell that to her husband, Ian (Timothy Hutton), who has a mistress (Kristen Bell) and is about to officially break up with Louise.
A timing snafu brings Louise and Ian together accidentally, forcing him to reveal his plans earlier than expect.
They fight. She throws a flower pot at him and knocks him unconscious. When he wakes up he finds himself duct taped to a chair. Louise will not set him free until he falls back in love with her.
Betcha wish you had a nickel for every time that happened to you, right?
“Moonlight’s” wild premise demands a delicate touch. Instead, we’re treated to grating lead performances that make a possible reconciliation an unlikely – and unwanted – development.
First time director Cheryl Hines, of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” fame, deserves much of the blame. She’s working from a script by the late Adrienne Shelly, who gave us the wonderful “Waitress” but was murdered after completing the film.
Shelly’s script has issues, no doubt, but some of them could have smoothed out cozier performances and a less frantic tone.
Hines is a natural at comedy – in front of the camera. Here, she simply can’t find the funny.
Justin Long shows up to rob the bickering couple’s house and beat up a prone Hutton. The character makes little sense … but it’s not as embarrassing as Bell’s turn as the other woman. She would need a rewrite just to rise to one dimension.
And the less said about the lollipop and moon beam ending, the better.
“Serious Moonlight” should have been an ode to an artist who died too soon. Instead, it’s an awkward way to honor a film talent who seemed on the cusp of a promising career.
Note: The Blu-ray edition feature a commentary track by Hines along with the film’s producers Andy Ostroy and Michael Roiff, plus two featurettes on the making of the movie.
(Photo: First time director Cheryl Hines, right, chats with star Timothy Hutton on the set of “Serious Moonlight.”)
Related posts:
on 
on 
