It’s rare to start a movie review by complaining about the quantity of famous faces in a given movie.
What film couldn’t benefit from a little more star wattage?
But with new romantic comedy “Valentine’s Day” the klieg lights are way too bright.
A few charming story lines get trampled in the rush to jam as many recognizable faces on screen.
Look, it’s Julia Roberts flirting with Bradley Cooper! And there’s Queen Latifah and Anne Hathaway trading barbs!
Audiences will be busy craning their necks to see all the pretty people, but it won’t stop them from realizing director Garry Marshall latest rom-com is still missing a few ingredients.
The first 10 minutes of “Valentine’s Day” border on mesmerizing, as Marshall sets up a version of L.A. as idealized as Woody Allen’s Manhattan. The “Pretty Woman” director establishes the scene in short, vibrant strokes that establish the fizzy mood to follow.
A surprisingly tender Ashton Kutcher plays Reed, a florist who asks his girlfriend Morley (Jessica Alba) to be his bride. Before long her feet take on the temperature of an ice block.
Reed’s female friend Julia (Jennifer Garner) is giddy over the new man in her life (Patrick Dempsey) who just so happens to have a wife and family he keeps secret from her.
Jason (Topher Grace) is smitten by a new co-worker, a sweet stunner named Liz (Anne Hathaway). Little does he know she spends every free minute talking dirty – in various accents – to complete strangers on her cell phone.
And then there’s Kara (Jessica Biel) who hates Valentine’s Day because it reminds her she can’t get a date.
Memo to Hollywood: Biel would have to be Meryl Streep to convince audiences she’s a poor, lonely gal in the big city.
On and on it goes, with Marshall shuffling the subplots so maniacally it’s impossible to attach ourselves to each and every hard luck story.
Jamie Foxx manages a few laughs as a sports reporter forced to cover silly lifestyle features. When several white woman moan for some Valentine’s Day chocolate at a party, Foxx murmurs, “I’m the chocolate,” giving the line just the right touch.
That’s the kind of movie star moment we’ll never get enough of.
Hector Elizondo and Shirley MacLaine are thrown in for the older crowd as a long-married couple harboring a secret, but they don’t have enough screen time to warrant their inclusion.
The same goes for Taylor Swift, paired here with Taylor Lautner of “Twilight” fame. Swift is oh, so game during her fleeting scenes, but her character belongs in another movie.
Kutcher is the big surprise here, with second place going to George Lopez playing Reed’s wisdom spouting co-worker.
Trim away a half dozen characters, let the rest have room to breathe and this “Valentine’s Day” might have been a movie tailor made for annual viewing.
(Photo: Taylor Swift and Jennifer Garner co-star in the New Line Cinema’s romantic comedy “Valentine’s Day,” a Warner Bros. Pictures release. Photo by Ron Batzdorff)
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Do they at least give a halfway plausible reason why she can’t get a date? If not, I could buy ‘a girl who looks like Jessica Biel can’t find the right guy’, but ‘a girl who looks like Jessica Biel can’t find a date period’ is ridiculous!
There’s simply no available screen time to explain away how a stunner like Biel can’t land a man. And her character throws an anti-Valentine’s Day party – something if memory serves she’s thrown before. It’s the weakest character in the whole film.
How/why is Garry Marshall NOT considered a hack along with the established likes of Michael Bay, Joel Schumacher, and Brett Ratner considering his post-Pretty Woman (no great movie itself) resume includes clunkers like Exit to Eden, Dear God, The Other Sister, Raising Helen, AND Georgia Rule?
KXB – I was about to argue in Marshall’s defense, but then I read the list of his films you provided. Holy moley you’re right! Must be that Laverne & Shirley/Happy Days goodwill … what else can explain it?
Now there’s a survey question for you, CT: name an all-star cast movie that really (I mean really) struck you as good movie-making/ story-telling. I’ll bet that…
1. Few of your readers could name a non-Hollywood production ( I know I can’t)
2. Most nominees would be from the 60’s and 70’s to try to find one (seems that those decades were the hey-day for the form?)
I’m dating myself badly by mentioning “How the West Was Won”, but I couldn’t claim it as a nominee. It was a Cinerama/ CinemaScope epic, not a fine film. Kinda sorta feel the same about “It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.” Funny stuff, but all of the cast was not all-star or even well-known at the time (eh, maybe it was 60/40. )