‘Due Date’ – Road tripped up by sour script

Movie math doesn’t come any easier than the formula behind “Due Date.”

Take the best comedy director not named Apatow, Todd Phillips, and give him the hottest comedian of the moment, Zach Galifianakis.

Add Robert Downey, Jr., an actor who simply can do no wrong these days, and you’ve got a comedy smash.

Not so fast.

“Due Date” is like “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” without the laughs and heart. This odd couple road trip flick begins with promise, but you wouldn’t want to spend so much as a Metro ride with these ugly characters.

Who thought it was funny for Downey’s character to spit on an innocent dog?

Peter Highman (Downey) needs to get to Los Angeles – stat – to witness the birth of his first child. But a mishap at the airport in Atlanta not only delays his journey but introduces him to Ethan Tremblay (Galifianakis), a wannabe actor traveling with his tiny dog. The two end up sharing a rental car when they’re put on the no-fly list.

Don’t ask why. It’s a convoluted series of events, but there are worse ways to force two disparate characters together.

Peter is all wound up energy, while Ethan is the touchy, feely kind traveling with the ashes of his late father. Ashes of the deceased is the newest comedy cliche, so expect them to endure all manner of abuse.

The two fight – and fight – but they both have selfish reasons for tolerating each other for 90-plus minutes.

“Due Date” dares to let Downey’s character behave badly. He gives a snot-nosed kid a belly punch and tells Ethan he’s a no-talent hack who will get chewed up by Hollywood.

Ethan deserves it. He’s not really a character but a device for Galifianakis to repeat his oddball shtick to paper over the script’s dearth of humor. The comic actor’s repertoire worked wonderfully in “The Hangover,” where his sleepy tics seemed novel. Here, they feel mechanical, as if this was his 20th lead role, not his third.

And could anyone justify Ethan’s preferred method of falling asleep – synchronized self pleasure with his beloved pup?

“Due Date” gives us “The Soloist” reunion no one wanted, casting Jamie Foxx as Peter’s old pal. Foxx’s role adds another layer of tension between the leads, playing a possible romantic threat to Peter’s marriage.

Downey somehow shines as the exasperated father to be, proving he can elevate his game above even lukewarm material. His slow burns smolder, and his eyes dance when Peter is asked to do something dastardly. Who knows what he could accomplish in a first-rate comedy?

The supporting players don’t alleviate the suffering brought on by Phillips’ clunky direction. Juliette Lewis trots out her white trash shtick in an inconsequential sequence, and Danny McBride brings back memories of the dreadful “Land of the Lost” remake by playing a surly Western Union rep.

“Due Date” could have been a darker take on the standard road trip film, but it ultimately wants the main characters to hug it out before the credits roll. It can’t have it both ways, and the predictable shift leaves the final half hour virtually laugh free.

(Photo: Zach Galifianakis stars Ethan Tremblay in Warner Bros. Pictures’ and Legendary Pictures’ comedy “Due Date,” a Warner Bros. Pictures release. Photo by Melinda Sue Gordon)

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