Director Michael Bay can’t stop apologizing for “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.”
The movie made approximately a gazillion dollars – WWTW lost count after a while – so it seemed like no apology was necessary. But Bay offered up a steaming fresh batch of mea culpa in the run-up to the film’s Summer 2011 sequel, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.”
Is Bay sincere? Who knows. But let’s be clear – Bay isn’t the only director who owes us an apology. The following pictures still stick in this movie lover’s craw, and an apology would help the healing process.
- Steven Spielberg, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” – Bad title. Bad execution. Bad idea to bring back our fedora-wearing hero and make him grapple with lame CGI and a limp reunion with Marion (Karen Allen).
- George Lucas, “The Phantom Menace” – How hard is it to say, “Meesa so sorry!”
- Ridley Scott, “Robin Hood” – A primer on ruining an iconic character. Strip away the charisma and zest for life and concentrate on the early, boring years.
- M. Night Shyamalan, “Lady in the Water,” “The Happening,” “The Last Airbender” – And, most likely, his next film project.
- Watcher’s Choice: Which director owes the movie-going public an apology?
(Photo art: Shia LaBeouf and Harrison Ford disappointed countless fans with the fourth episode in the “Indiana Jones” saga, “The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” Paramount Pictures)
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
James Cameron is an obvious pick. After turning tail from his challenge to debate global-warming skeptics, he showed a lack of substance that no amount of CGI can cover up.
Can’t disagree, Derit, although for this list I’m keeping to movie/director connections.
Joe Johnston – ‘JPIII’ or ‘The Wolfman’, take your pick, they both hurt something I loved as a kid!
The Wolfman was def. on my list, John!
Joss Whedon needs to apologize for Serenity—to its fans, for killing two beloved characters, and to haters like me, for the whole series’ incredibly bad cultural setting, worldbuilding, and plot logic (e.g., the Alliance’s assassins are comically noticeable and over-the-top). Not to mention the terraforming: a civilization that could terraform multiple planets in 2-3 centuries could also *build* its own planets; real science fiction involves considering the implications of your technology.
Anno Hideaki needs to apologize for turning “Neon Genesis Evangelion” into his own private therapy session.
Lucas doesn’t have to apologize for Jar-Jar or the Gungans (as a fan of C. J. Cherryh’s “Chanur” series I have a soft spot for aliens who speak pidgin), he has to apologize for the way he writes love-scenes. And casting Natalie Portman. And just Anakin, in general.
James Cameron doesn’t need to apologize for just being a jerk, he needs to apologize for regurgitating every leftist, white-guilt cliche without even a *twitch* of a new spin. And for how utterly contemptible the worldbuilding that went into the Na’vi is. And for not making them match the rest of their ecosystem (designed by actual SF writer Wayne Barlowe). And for ignoring the fact that mercenaries or no, ex-Marines would probably behave with at least the bare minimum of professionalism necessary not to get killed. Oh, and also for being the only guy who uses realistic-looking spaceships, but using them in incredibly bad movies.
I’d say Kubrick for “Eyes Wide Shut,” but being dead trumps an apology, I guess, so I’ll go with:
Spielberg’s “War of The Worlds/”Hook”
De Palma’s “Snake Eyes”/”Black Dahlia,”
The Coen Bros’ “Ladykillers,”
and the odious
Francis Ford Coppola’s “Jack.”
Robert Rodriguez for Machete. Somebody get that guy to work on the next Sin City movie before he even thinks about mixing politics and grindhouse again. Blech.
The Wachowski brothers, for everything they’ve been involved in after the first Matrix movie. Seriously, just stop.
Tom I agree about Serenity but not about the series it’s based on. I felt the universe he created was original and although skeptical at first ended up loving the universe he created.
Spielberg and Lucas both need to apologize for every sequel made from Raiders. Lucas also needs to apologize for ewoks and every Star
Wars film after Empire.
Spielberg needs to humble himself for that moment in every single one of his films where regardless of the fantastic nature of film still manages to take it one step too far.
I would say Cameron only because it appears all he does it take old stories or ideas, put them on film and claim them as his own.
For the record, I am a huge fan of Titanic, only because I’ve researched the subject quite a bit prior to the film. I do love the film, but I’ve always thought that the real story was so interesting and full of colorful characters that you didn’t need to make up some fake story to give it substance. One wonders if Cameron simply re-made “A Night To Remember” by Walter Lord, would it have been a better film? I’d like to think so.
I won’t throw Lucus into this mix but I sympathize with those who do.
Spielberg only because the latest Jones flick had potential to be so much better. What we saw was like a bull session that didn’t know where to go. There were snippets of a good film there, but not a complete story. Perhaps we put too much thought into it over the years that it couldn’t possibly live up to expectations, but still there was potential, and Spielberg didn’t see that.
I think part of his and Lucus problem these days stems from people who won’t tell them no, which in turn forces them to think more creatively. But that’s my two cents.
Tempted to say Joel Schumacher for Batman Forever and Batman & Robin, derailing Tim Burton’s excellent Batman movies, but without the second one totally stinkin’ up the on-screen franchise, we don’t have Nolan’s beyond awesome resurrection projects.
Instead, Spielberg for Munich. Steve, babe, I realize you’re a Hollywood Jew (non-Zucker variety), but morally equivocating the Mossad with radical Muslim terrorists? Really?
Dis-Honorable Mention #1 to Christopher Guest for For Your Consideration, a movie I found so unfunny and going-through-the-motions his troupe had never done before it’s the only of his movies I don’t own.
Dis-Honorable Mention #1 to Rob Reiner for everything post-North (yes, I like it). I’d put post-American President, but I haven’t seen it.
Spielberg and Lucas were pretty well coverd by trey parker and matt stone.
How about Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck? He made one of the best movies in recent years, “The Lives of Others”, and followed it up with that Jolie/Depp bomb, “The Tourist”.
Robert Rodriguez for Machete.
Rented Machete for 2 bucks. Maybe Rodriguez changed the DVD version from the one John Nolte panned for racism, but it was nowhere as bad as I was expecting. Rodriguez’s satire of the blaxploitation pics of the 70s was so over the top the politics were a wash. In the DVD there was even the token PC latino mixed amongst the bad guys and the overall plot turned on evil Mexican drug gangs manipulating US politics. There was more effective pro-illegal prop in the first scene of “Men in Black 1″ than in this entire movie.
The Wachowski brothers, for everything they’ve been involved in after the first Matrix movie. Seriously, just stop.
+1
Opus, unfortunately, Whedon is not a science fiction writer. In science fiction, you *must* consider the implications of the technology in your story. And in Firefly, the Alliance has the technical capability to terraform multiple planets in a few centuries, even planets that are too small or far from their suns to maintain earthlike climates. Rearranging planetary atmospheres (which is what terraforming is) involves the capability to move hundreds of trillions of tons of gas—that why realistic models of the process take tens of thousands of years. People who can do that in a couple hundred years, are heading straight for Clarke’s Third Law: their technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Yet the Independents fight the Alliance, and actually seem to have a prayer. That’s not what would happen. What would happen, if the Alliance had that level of technology, is that the Independents would all be dead in the first few minutes. Similarly the Alliance would be having no trouble at all with the Reavers (pretending for the moment that the Reavers would actually be able to crew spaceships); the godlike technology that allowed their quick terraforming would also allow them to wipe out entire Reaver fleets with the push of a button.
Uwe Freakin Boll.
For everything he has directed.
Bryan Singer for Superman Returns. What a waste of the most iconic superhero/comic book character ever.
I’d also throw in George Lucas but the Red Letter Media guy said pretty much anything I would want to say on the subject (albeit more cruelly.)
Brian DePalma for ‘Redacted’, a film that inspired Arid Uka to shoot and kill American servicemen at Frankfurt Airport and countless other jihadists.
Kevin Smith for Zack & Miri…”, disgusting “Clerks II” and likely “Red State”
John Hughes for retiring much too soon (I know – he’s dead)
Quentin Tarantino for using WW2 as a punchline in Inglorious Basterds.
Apparantly Wolfgang Petersen’s apology for the craptastic “Poseidon” was to stop making movies.
Tim Burton for his remake of Planet of the Apes I mean just why, if you might want to check out this blog which sums the whole thing up pretty well http://thepurpleworldblog.blogspot.com/2011/03/planet-of-weird.html
I would have welcomed a 4th Indiana Jones film, had it been made in the early 90’s – and not almost 20 years later!
Harrison Ford clearly is much older than he was in the 3rd film. The technology had advanced to the point where it made the final film appear out of place in relation to the first 3 films.
I don’t want to watch an older Ford playing a character from my childhood. I want him preserved.
Jesus, Hollywood – stop revamping classics. You’re killing me.