The minute Hollywood studios started trolling through your nephew’s fairy tale collection for inspiration you knew the industry was in serious trouble. Even though “Red Riding Hood” proved a commercial and critical dud it’s not stopping studios from greenlighting films based on “Hansel & Gretel,” “Sleeping Beauty” and “Jack and the Beanstalk.”
So rather than wait until savvy studios find the next source of story ideas, WWTW figured he’d beat them to the punch:
- Reality shows: Director Michael Bay brings us “Survivor: The Movie” where a bearded James Gandolfini as Richard Hatch plots to thwart his fellow contestants for the $1 million grand prize.
- Traffic signs: From the producers of “Valentine’s Day” comes “Yield,” the story of a lonely single man (Ashton Kutcher) whose inability to open up to women leads him to carry around a big yellow Yield sign when he hits the local bars.
- Game Shows: “The Price is Right,” the tale of a desperate, overweight housewife (Roseanne Barr) who decides to test her fiscal skills against a team of random experts. Or consider “Whammy,” a shocker about a red-faced devil who slaughters anyone who tries to press their luck too far.
- Mobile phone apps: Channing Tatum stars in “ATK,” playing a busy young executive who downloads Advanced Task Killer on his iPhone to help him climb the corporate ladder. But the app kills more than just battery-draining programs.
- Watcher’s Choice: C’mon, gang, bring your best!
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
How about junk mail as inspiration? A regular Joe fills out a seemingly innocent credit card application, but somehow ends up on the run because, as we all know, corporations are EVIL! Naturally, there will be plenty of shaky cam involved. I can almost hear Matt Damon (because he seems to get cast in everything these days) screaming, “Why are they trying to kill me? I just wanted a credit card!”
“Tweet of Death,” about an evil supernatural force that follows its victims on Twitter and sends them so many mind-numbingly boring Tweets that it makes them commit suicide.
I dunno, some of the greatest literature of all time is classed as fairy tales—both The Hobbit and Narnia are basically märchen, for instance.
But hey, how about a movie called “Checkmate”, a taut political/military thriller about two nations’ rulers…and their wives…and their castles, bishops…Explores the common soldier’s feeling of just being a, um, pawn.
Bringing back another “new” source: board games. I vaguely recall there being a “Clue” movie back in the ’80s, so Hollywood might as well go back to that. Candyland as a morality play about childhood gluttony and juvenile diabetes. Mousetrap, Hungry Hungry Hippos as horror movies. Chutes and Ladders as another chase/action film featuring every current and used-up action star (like the Cannonball Run movies used to be). “Milton Bradley Studios”….surely that will be the final sign that Hollywood is truly running out of ideas.
That would actually work pretty well as a family animated film. You could do it either Tron-style (a hidden reality underlies what we see happening on the chessboard), or Toy Story-style (the chess pieces come alive and continue their battles when the players are not around).
Marc: It’s too late.