If you like exploding heads, ‘Punisher: War Zone’ is the movie to beat!”

“If you wanna hear some of the worst New Yawk accents in film history, don’t miss “Punisher: Kill Zone!”

OK, I’ve tried my best to give the ad reps behind the new Punisher movie a quote for the movie posters.

Wait … “the most unintentional laughter you’ll hear all winter!”

That’s it. I’m out.

“Punisher: War Zone” marks the third time Hollywood has tried to bring the Marvel Comics vigilante to the big screen. Neither Dolph Lundgren nor Thomas Jane could make the character his own, so it’s up to “Rome’s” Ray Stevenson to do the honors.

But the newest “Punisher” is all B-movie, all the time. Poor Stevenson never had a chance.

The story is a franchise reboot, joining the story of The Punisher, AKA Frank Castle (Stevenson), already in progress. He’s squaring off against a rising New York mobster (Dominick West, who sounds like a dinner theater actor attemping a Bronx accent), and he deposits the goon in a glass crushing machine.

But the thug doesn’t die. Instead, he’s reborn as Jigsaw, a villain whose facial deformities make The Joker look like Brad Pitt.

Now Jigsaw’s out for vengeance, and he springs an old pal appropriately named Loony Bin Jim (Doug Hutchison) from the local sanitarium to help.

Hutchison owns the movie from this point on, bringing the right amount of pulp to this very bloody affair.

In between Jim’s theatrics, we watch as the local cops do their best to track down The Punisher. The Keystone Kops have nothing on these guys. It’s no wonder New York City needs a vigilante to take a bite out of crime.

“War Zone” tries to keep a straight face in the early scenes, but midway through all pretenses toward serious crime fiction go down the drain. And that’s a good thing, since “War Zone” only clicks when it embraces its infantile approach to a very serious antihero.

A friend in the know about comic books says The Punisher works best when paired up with real superheroes. Spider-Man might think twice before killing a supervillain, but The Punisher has no such qualms. It’s what makes him so compelling in the first place.

Maybe the next “Punisher” movie will include the web slinger – or any other Marvel hero who might justify yet another attempt to bring The Punisher to your local theater.

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(Photo: Ray Stevenson is all guns, all the time, as the vigilante anti-hero in “Punisher: Kill Zone.”)

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